Issue 1 No 3 March-November
Deep down, let’s face it, all of us hate foreigners. It’s quite natural when one lives in such a beautiful and perfect country as our own to hate and loathe those greasy-haired swivelling toadies from Europe and beyond. What worries me is that sometimes this hatred is so deep down that many of us forget about it, and instead of hitting Frenchmen and letting Dagos’ tyres down, we are buying garlic-smelling French cars and eating filthy chunks of Wop dough in stinking Pizza parlours. Now I’m not saying that we should go out and burn down the nearest Eye-tie, Chink, Froggie or Pakki restaurant – I think the army should be doing that – but if we are going to keep this lovely country of ours beautiful, clean and deeply religious, we must remember that the Young Bigots Club is only a phone call away. They will come round at a moment’s notice and tread on packets of Gauloises and throw Grundig equipment down the lavatory. Remember, Tolerance is a great British virtue – let’s not waste it on Yids, Polacks, Wops, Krauts and Arabs.
Col. Sir Harry McWhirter M.C.C.,
News from our branches:
ASCOT: a very successful Young Bigots’ Evening was held in the back room of the Duck and Prime Minister. A letter of abuse was sent to M. Pompidou, and a local hairdresser was burned.
The CHELTENHAM branch of the Young Wives’ Prejudice Club had a very successful outing to the Knorr-Swiss Factory. They did over £4,000-worth of damage.
ESHER Town Hall was packed last Thursday for an illustrated talk by our local organiser, Mrs. Ursula Fforbes-Hhitler on ‘Putting the Boot in on Wops,’ and our FRINTON branch have collected over 6,000 dead dogs for our Bulgarian Food Hampers. Well done.
If you must go to the continent, here are some of the places to visit:
Some useful terms of abuse to help you get the worst out of the countries you visit:
ITALIANS etc: Greaseballs. Dagos. Wops. Candles. Spaghetti-eaters. Ice-cream salesmen. Eye-ties.
EGYPTIANS: Gippos. Yellowbellies. Anti-yids. Sphinctas.
FRENCH: Froggies. Bloody French. (N.B. The French are very easily insulted by the British. Almost anything will do.)
GERMANS: Krauts. Boche. Sausage-eaters. Square-heads. (N.B. The Germans are an appallingly insensitive nation and therefore extremely hard to insult. Try setting fire to them or calling their Mercedes Volkswagens.)
COLOURED PEOPLE: Best not to even talk to them.
From The Brand New Monty Python Papperbok