8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 Weigh-in 2kgs lighter than yesterday

8:45 Breakfast in bed – freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents – expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner

9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil

10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, amusing personal trainer

10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave

12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café

12:45 Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained 17kgs

1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit

3:00 Nap

4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk – says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body

5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe

7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers

10:00 Hot shower – alone

10:50 Carried to bed. Freshly ironed, crisp white linen

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms

6:00 Alarm

6:15 Blow job

6:30 Massive, satisfying shit while reading the sports section

7:00 Breakfast – steak and eggs, coffee and toast – all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler

7:30 Limo arrives

7:45 Several beers en route to the airport

9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet

9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)

9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)

11:45 Lunch-steak and lobster, three beers and bottle of Dom Perignon

12:15 Blow job

12:30 Play back nine (4 under)

2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)

2:30 Fly to Bahamas

3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot showing their growlers

4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) – on light tackle

5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson (bending over showing her growler, naturally)

6:45 Shit, shower and shave

7:00 Watch news – Michael Jackson assassinated

7:30 Dinner – lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits

9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV as you watch football game

9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer

11:30 Night-cap blow job

11:45 In bed alone

11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note four times and forces the dog to leave the room

11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep